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More tribe info

I'm going to have to make a new rule here as far as Tribe goes; when I say "within travel distance, I really do mean it."

I've had many a prospective show enthusiastic interest, but they've been more than three or four hours away from me. For some reason, even though I've got a high maintenance child and they don't, even though I'm not working and they are, I am being expected to do all the travel and to pay all the train fare to meet them, only to have them finally confess it really "is just too far". I don't have time for this rubbish. I've had several potential Consort meetups fall through because my time is VERY limited and I can only meet up on certain days - days they blow things off or things eventually go pearshaped. Said consorts then completely lose interest and go back to looking for someone closer for their fuck-buddy.

I'm beginning to understand why many a single mum just gives up and decides to stick with a vibrator instead...it's such a bloody pain getting all the logistics sorted to meet someone, especially if they're going to lose interest when things don't go according to plan.

Right, well enough whinging on that point.

In other news, I am gearing up for what I had formed up as a sort of gathering of people who can Feel Me - a Goth masked ball in Oxford. I came up with the idea several years ago as I couldn't understand why the Frouds (of Labyrinth/Dark Crystal fame) had to travel to the US to attend Faerie-Masked Balls when they live in Devon. I also was rather disgusted at how uninspired the Goth nights out were, coupled with the inability of the English to talk to anyone they didn't know. So, put a mask on them, give them a chance to express some creativity, drink wine out of a REAL glass as opposed to a plastic cup, and huzzah - instant debauchery! I'm impressed with the results. People go all out on their costumes, and in true gothic style, there are masked balls all over the place in London and other haunts, of which the organisers insist they had the idea years ago and of COURSE they were planning it all this time, dahling. Yeah, that's why I couldn't find any masked balls anywhere in the UK three years ago! But hey, now there's all these balls all over I can attend and not do any organizing for, which is brilliant.

It's nice to hide behind a mask and get your freak on; to allow yourself a bit of hedonism and chase. It's an expensive night out (I saved up nearly £1,000 for this whole evening over the past year) but it's definitely going to be FUN. People loosen up a lot behind a mask; no need to have a formal introduction for anyone to speak to you, plenty of smouldering glances behind plaster faces, and as far as I could tell last time, not a single person was having a bad time.

So it may not be MY tribe, but it certainly is A tribe, and I'm looking forward to it. It hopefully will give me some inspiration to keep looking for more tribe-ists in future.
Honestly, this has me giggling a bit; I've applied for work at a rather innovative store, with loads of chains all round the UK and US. It's based here in the UK, and most of the people who work at these stores are freaky in one way or another; vegan, or pierced and punky, or tribal-spiritual or whatever. I'm applying to learn to be a store manager which will be awesome as I'll be able to dress however I want and it won't be much of an issue (plus, yay for fancy soap and bathbombs and cosmetics).

It has also occured to me that I may meet some prospective people for Tribe; people would probably be rather interested in it if I networked as long as I was tasteful about it. I'd be in the freak-network and that's a perk.

That I'd also be training to be a manager of my own store and earning a decent wage while still managing to look freaky is also a big perk. Hell, the manager's partner is a fire-spinner and could probably teach me a thing or two. The possibility makes me grin.

So let's see how it goes, as currently I still don't have the proper networks to bring this together at the moment. Too many men who just think it's a screen for having orgies so they come charging, too many women who think it's the same thing so they run away! And also entirely too many people saying "If only you were here in the US..." *sigh*

But potential is there and lurking!

Innit innit a word, innit?

The prospective consort called me this weekend; I did not actually know people used the word "innit". I really thought it was a joke. But he said it. Innit apparently is like saying "dude". I gritted my teeth and thought perhaps I could just learn to deal with it, but the fellow's energy was so scattered and weird in any event, and he started going on and on about Nephilim and Reptilians or some other conspiracy theory stuff, and my interest was pretty much shot at that point.

In the past week I've also received some emails from couples (usually the male) who is "turned on" by the idea of a tribe because they like watching their girlfriends/wives/significants getting shagged by other men. Sorry, I'm not doing this for other people's entertainment. It's still amusing to ask the men if they're bisexual and enjoy getting shagged up the bum - then watching them recoil in horror. I'm evil like that.

I'm being a very snobby, judgmental bitch about this. I'm aware of it - namely because I know I won't be happy if I have to make hundreds of compromises. I know where to be flexible, and where to stand my ground, which means picky and selective. I'll stick to my guns on this.


"We need more does, Fiver."

I'm going to try and not make this uber psycho-wozzit or preachy, but this is a conglomerate of some posts and observations from time I spent in Fem-Dom societies, in tantra, and in Gardenarian circles (especially if the Great Rite was ever references somewhere). And of course as with everything I post in here, this really has to do with my own perceptions as essentially I'm talking about my own tribe and what works for me (which may or may not work for you, but you're willing to take what speaks to you). You'll also forgive the fact I'm writing this while Under the Influence of Homebrew, and thus probably isn't too coherent. But I've been mulling it over all day.

When I started on this concept, I pretty much expected it was going to be me and a whole bunch of blokes. That has indeed proven to be the case. Men are beating the doors down to get into my tribe (though I am indeed being very picky). Women however can't seem to be arsed. Yes, they may be pagan and may say they worship Goddess, yes, they may be really keen on the idea of being the centre and focus of sexual attention, yes, they may like the community-hippy idea and so on.

Unfortunately, once you start adding men to the mix, women get nervous. And that's when the problems start.

I know there are men who are going to pipe up and say they're the exception to the rule, but fact is you bring a woman in around a group of men, and the rutting season starts. There's a reason women travel in packs, guys...packs means safety in numbers. I've walked into BDSM clubs and immediately guys start whipping out their dicks and begin banging away. Alt.com - where I've also put a Dark Tribe listing - is full of nothing but cock-shots, even if you ask specifically for a face photo or write a profile as long as your arm; I still end up with cock photos in my inbox and "will u sit on my face????????" and so on. I have seen every convincing argument a man could possibly make in order to try and assure him getting a shag. I have seen them swear to everything, including the fine print. "Anything for you, MISTRESS." Invariably, they're gone the next day once they get what they want. Time and time again, I've seen this thing happen. How many times has the Great Rite been used as an excuse for a High Priest to get into the pants on his acolytes? Why is it even at tantric retreats the women are outnumbered by men around 10 to 1, and even though they're tantrikas they all look so incredibly NERVOUS?

Plain and simple, women feel men can't control themselves, no matter what they say. Ruffle your feathers all you like boys, but there's still a woman getting raped once every three minutes...a woman has to err on the side of caution or she pays for it for the rest of her days.

The "sexually enlightened woman" is no different. In some cases, they're so relationship shy they're sleeping with whomever comes round, as long as it means it's not the same person every night. Almost trying so hard to be the opposite of a timid, unsexual woman, these other types of women don't care who they're doing, just as long as they're doing SOMEONE. Are they happy? Usually not, and drama follows them like a sickness, but they just can't seem to stop. The whole idea of anything even remotely hinting at committment makes them run a mile.

I'm picky about the women I want to be around - I can honestly say I have a man's sensibilities. The typical Modern Woman drives me insane, and not in a good way. I've pretty much given up working in offices because if I had to hear one more thing about dieting, Big Brother, or that chav footie striker guy (I've even blocked out his name, Beckam or something?), I was going to scream. Women are catty, two faced, narcisstic and generally a royal irritation. The only women I seem to get on with are the ones who don't particularly care for other women! Go figure. For myself, I'd like to find women who aren't obsessed with being "girly". Feminine, fine, female, fine, girly? Not good. When I do manage to find the right women to get on with, I forge an instant bond that goes much deeper than one would expect, and it stays. I've friends on my LJ I've never met, but I've known them for years and they'd do anything for me, and I for them. I can't explain why, as it's a online thing, but it's true. I have spoken with women who I just immediately "clicked" with, and I really would like to find that again.

So, here we are with this willing Tribe beginning, and there's all sorts of blokes interested, but no women yet other than myself. Now you'd think I'd be singing a halleujia, but I'm not. See, if I just want a collection of men, I've GOT that. I've got more men interested in me than I actually have time for. Trying to keep them all happy would be a fulltime job, and time is not a huge commodity for me. And men DO need to be kept happy - if they're not, they wander, and the whole point is to stay tight knit and happy with each other.

So what's to be done?

Well, for one, I'm not going to choose a bunch of men right now to fill in the "consort" side. Women need to be able to make that decision together, choosing the men who compliment them. If I go choosing all three before I even start, then the women who may be interested feel like they're just sort of "tacked on".

The whole setting of a tribe has to be encouraging and also feel safe. Men introduced into the tribe are probably going to find themselves jumping through a lot of hoops, perhaps more hoops than the women. I wish I could make this "fair", but I can't. The fact is, I've seen a lot, and I mean a LOT, of things men have done if they thought they could get a screw out of a beautiful woman. I'm not saying that women can't stoop to those lows as well, but in my experience, the frequency of men who would do the same moves and say the same things, all rather transparently as a screen for what they really wanted was mindboggling. To reassure women that they really are going to be treasured, cherished, and cared about means bringing in men who really mean it, and aren't just paying lipservice.

Women can't be forced, but they can be encouraged. What I'm proposing is tantalising and yet probably rather frightening, especially to women. It's not the bisexual angle, or anything else really - it's just down to training, really. "Nice girls" don't do what I'm dreaming up here. Women can say they're enlightened, and poly, and this and that. But mentally, it's still a huge shift to enter into this kind of headspace, and allow yourself to ENJOY it. I've seen pro-Goddess pagan women balk in a big way in tantra circles, even with other women about. Add a man and they totally freeze up like you wouldn't believe, afraid they're going to do the "wrong thing" or be labelled one of those types of women.

So, I have to be gentle. The important thing for a tribe is to forge the bonds of friendship and comraderie, whether dealing with the traditional woman or the unEthical Slut. Women need to be reassured that what they're doing isn't wrong, and it isn't scary. They need to know that they really CAN trust the people they're involved with, and that it's not going to come crashing down all around them once the sex becomes familiar. There's no real formula for this other than time, patience, and, probably more importantly, walking your talk and actually believing what you say (and when I say "you", I'm also saying "Me" here too).

I do have a potential Consort. I've got a few couples I want to ask, though I'm not certain I can convince the feminine halves of said couples to go on with it. I'm not blaming them for it; I'm a difficult woman to be around and I'm aware of it. But I'll keep my eyes, ears, and heart open. We'll try and make the tribe a safe space for our does, our Queens.

And then maybe they'll decide to come in and stay.

And as it's 1:30am, I'll wait till tomorrow to see just how coherent this actually is.

Just doing it because I like it...

One of the things which drives me bats about the Kink community (or really any community) is the need to try and "explain" or rationalise in some sort of deep fundamental way why we're into what we're into. I've had people respond to this whole Dark Tribe concept in a positive way, but I'm also faintly baffled at the same time, as they start talking about synergy, transcendence, spiritual harmonics against despotism and so forth. Man I don't even know what despotism IS, dude...

Can't I just be doing this because I WANT to? There's no message, there's no spiritual on-switch. Yes, I got the idea of the concept from Goddess Tribe which is very spritu-centric, but I'm not an instant convert to the concept (my own spirituality is so weird and potentially scary to those who don't know me, I keep it to myself). I didn't read a book and suddenly find the answer to Life the Universe and Everything (actually, if you gotta read a BOOK for that, I worry). I just thought "Hey, this is something I miss, how about trying to create it again?" If it sounds deep and spiritual and so on, it's just because I like having those kinds of people around me. This is sort of my safe-space tribe. I deal enough with atheists, skeptics, anti-this-or-that, sarcastic leering whingy gits on a day to day basis - and that's just the Goths! - to want to have that in a tribe. A tribe should be a safe space of people who can feel you when you can relax, sigh, let it out, rant a bit if you need to feel better, and feel like you've just been understood.

This doesn't mean we're not going to disagree, but still, the bottom line is I'm creating something I want. Now, I'm sure bigger minds than mine can say all sorts of very convincing things about the concept of forming your own Goddess Tribe (and indeed, other people have), but for myself, it really is that simple: I am creating something I want. I am hoping other people want it to and will join me. That's all.

There's a big concern about people being "less important" in such a group. "I don't want to become excluded" "What if I'm left out all the time?" Well, in those cases, chances are it's because it's not the right tribe for you in the first place. Some personalities don't mesh well with others. And there's that whole English "smile on one side of the face them write a stroppy letter" thing as well. If there's a problem, people need to talk about it. If someone really is causing some fragmentation, then they need to go. But this is really the sort of thing that seems to happen with cohabitation, and as a result why I'd rather like to avoid that. Being in a Tribe where this sort of thing crops up requires the maturity to say "It's either them, or me. And if it's not them, then it's me, and I need to take responsibility. If it's them, I need to just walk away." No drama, no bullshit, no threatening to go to the papers. Just leave. Should be easy.

So, I'm being picky. As predicted, I've got loads of men interested in the idea, but I've not found a single woman yet who wants to step into it; they're either neo-spiritualists who still have very traditional views on relationships and sexuality, or very hedonistic people who sneer at the spiritual (or, let's be honest, the caring/friendship side that is more than just a shag). However, for only 48 hours from brain to pixels, not bad.

We'll see what the year brings. I've got a few people in mind nearby and I want to talk to them about it. They're very young, but they're lovely. We'll see how it goes.

So, here we are in Dark Tribe

I finally did it. I created this community. Whether anything happens with it remains to be seen, but we'll see what we can do.

Some basic concepts:

Vampiric (oh don't look at me like that, simple fact of the matter is most people want to shag a vampire, so hey, why not just accept our vamp-pervery? anyone claiming to be 400 years old in their mortal shell however may find themselves laughed at in an uncomfortable way). Pagan, Edge BDSM, yet intelligent, balanced, centred. I'm trying to get this all on paper before I start putting it together:

Staying small - I don't want a huge group. A huge group means drama. I also don't think we need to "advertise". We'll find people as we go. I'd say from age 25-45 age wise so there's no weirdness about age going on there. I am directly copying an idea here from Goddess Tribe as I agree with it. Direct quote below.:

So let's get this out of the way...if you're a sicko pedaphile we'll castrate you ourselves before turning you over to the police, and if you have issues with kids, go find someone else.

So, yes, creating a fun and pleasurable life that is compatible with real world living, here's our vision.

1. A Goddess oriented community. Why? We've just found it creates the most fun and harmony, and men who are strong enough to worship women as our immediate source of life without getting all threatened and insecure are awesome. There's the chivalry of Knights that men are so good at when serving the Queen, they have respect and honor, not faux-men so insecure they have to try to dominate and disrespect women. Also, Goddess worship creates a bond between women, no longer having to compete over men, it becomes fun to share everything.

(Also, in Goddess worship we are non-dogmatic and non-man hating unlike some supposed Goddess worshippers - if you're looking for a man-hate Femdom group, it ain't us, we love our brave Knights even if we like to tie them up, torture them, and do other other devious things...lol)...a special note to some "supremists"...if men are as a pathetic and worthless as you claim you are degrading that which births them as well: women. We all come from the womb...Get a clue, bitch..

Anyway, our Goddess rituals are FUN! Way more fun than worshipping a patriarchal god or a genderless-thing god ~ it's good glue for our community.

2. An Adult Playhouse. We see this as crucial because the family houses have too many distractions. So we want to have a Adult only playhouse nearby, preferably one with a private pool. We will definately have a fully equipped dungeon for BDSM play.

3. Goddess Tribe Polyamory: We feel that the tribe revolving around small polyamorous nests is the way to go.

4. Creativity. Having fun means enjoying our creativity: music, art, film, writing...creative expression is important and we want this to be fundamental to how we live.

5. A note about D/s. While we are a Goddess oriented group, we are not a strict "Femdom" group (although I personally love having male slaves). Some women do want to be submissive or slaves, and some like to switch, so we honor those desires rather than insist they be Dommes 100%. We prefer to leave the degree to which we play in the D/s world to the relationships themselves. One thing is clear though, we will not have patriarchal male Doms or men who do not authentically honor women. If you are not open to Goddess worship and fully participating in our tribal Goddess rituals, we are not interested you.

If you have any interest in me, now you know my vision, what we're creating, and if you think you want to be a part of it, write me and tell me how. If you're not interesed in supporting this vision, thanks for reading but we're not interested in you.

Please keep in mind, I don't care how big your tool is, how sexually talented you think you are, how horny you are, or how much money you have...if I don't like you and desire you in my life, it will not happen. It's great if you can buy us houses, but No amount of money is worth being around a disrespectful prick and we'd rather be poor and happy than rich and miserable with you. If you message me with lame lines such as "can I be in your tribe?" you'll get ignored. Write me something interesting, tell me about yourself, explain how we'll like having you in our vision with some degree of intelligence...writing "hi" or "you're so hot" just doesn't do it for me.

*chuckle* Amen.

I don't want to form up in a live together situation. Just a bunch of people who like one another, getting together in other people's homes if possible. If there's children involved we'll try and work round that but I do believe if someone has an issue with children or being around them because it cuts into shag time, they can go elsewhere.

Bisexuality - I dig this. I have no problems with transgender or anything else, but homophobic has GOT to go. As far as the visually appealing thing goes, yeah ok I understand as a fat chick I'm not sexy for most people - but I'm a very active fat chick. I do think it a requirement anyone who comes into things should be physically active and have at least one form of regular exercise as exercise balances the mind.

Drugs - I can deal with pot, I can deal with drinking. I cannot and will not deal with anyone using anything more extensive than pot, or even X. Extasy is just plain weird to be around for me and it puts my teeth on edge. I'm aware this means there goes most of the populace, but that's just the way it is.

Tantra - yeah I think it's cool. But again, edgy, edgy edgy is where I'm at, and if people are going to get bent out of shape about that it won't work. So some D/s BDSM leanings as well as being pagan or spiritual is cool.

Meetings - we meet together as regularly as we can, so it's a good idea to be close to one another. Meet once a month. Sex is NOT mandatory, but affection is.

Wow, I'm asking for a lot...

So, what are we seeking here, switches? More than likely. We get too many uber Dominants in the mix (especially dominant males) and we'll have a problem. An even number of men to women is probably good, and there should be agreement as to who joins up. Either everyone likes the person or they don't get it. I can see about three men, three women being what to aim for. They shouldn't have relationships outside the Tribe unless they come as a couple - too much potential for lies.

I DO have a potential Consort in mind who may be willing to join me in getting this going. It's really dependent upon where he's at and if we can come to some kind of agreement.