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1st January 2007

Just doing it because I like it...

One of the things which drives me bats about the Kink community (or really any community) is the need to try and "explain" or rationalise in some sort of deep fundamental way why we're into what we're into. I've had people respond to this whole Dark Tribe concept in a positive way, but I'm also faintly baffled at the same time, as they start talking about synergy, transcendence, spiritual harmonics against despotism and so forth. Man I don't even know what despotism IS, dude...

Can't I just be doing this because I WANT to? There's no message, there's no spiritual on-switch. Yes, I got the idea of the concept from Goddess Tribe which is very spritu-centric, but I'm not an instant convert to the concept (my own spirituality is so weird and potentially scary to those who don't know me, I keep it to myself). I didn't read a book and suddenly find the answer to Life the Universe and Everything (actually, if you gotta read a BOOK for that, I worry). I just thought "Hey, this is something I miss, how about trying to create it again?" If it sounds deep and spiritual and so on, it's just because I like having those kinds of people around me. This is sort of my safe-space tribe. I deal enough with atheists, skeptics, anti-this-or-that, sarcastic leering whingy gits on a day to day basis - and that's just the Goths! - to want to have that in a tribe. A tribe should be a safe space of people who can feel you when you can relax, sigh, let it out, rant a bit if you need to feel better, and feel like you've just been understood.

This doesn't mean we're not going to disagree, but still, the bottom line is I'm creating something I want. Now, I'm sure bigger minds than mine can say all sorts of very convincing things about the concept of forming your own Goddess Tribe (and indeed, other people have), but for myself, it really is that simple: I am creating something I want. I am hoping other people want it to and will join me. That's all.

There's a big concern about people being "less important" in such a group. "I don't want to become excluded" "What if I'm left out all the time?" Well, in those cases, chances are it's because it's not the right tribe for you in the first place. Some personalities don't mesh well with others. And there's that whole English "smile on one side of the face them write a stroppy letter" thing as well. If there's a problem, people need to talk about it. If someone really is causing some fragmentation, then they need to go. But this is really the sort of thing that seems to happen with cohabitation, and as a result why I'd rather like to avoid that. Being in a Tribe where this sort of thing crops up requires the maturity to say "It's either them, or me. And if it's not them, then it's me, and I need to take responsibility. If it's them, I need to just walk away." No drama, no bullshit, no threatening to go to the papers. Just leave. Should be easy.

So, I'm being picky. As predicted, I've got loads of men interested in the idea, but I've not found a single woman yet who wants to step into it; they're either neo-spiritualists who still have very traditional views on relationships and sexuality, or very hedonistic people who sneer at the spiritual (or, let's be honest, the caring/friendship side that is more than just a shag). However, for only 48 hours from brain to pixels, not bad.

We'll see what the year brings. I've got a few people in mind nearby and I want to talk to them about it. They're very young, but they're lovely. We'll see how it goes.


Dark Tribe Goddess Tribe

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